Second Chance for Love Page 5

  After retrieving a pack of cigarettes from my truck, I sat on the front porch and chain smoked as the sun came up. The silence of the early morning pounded against my ear drums making me want to scream. I could hear my phone ringing inside, but I didn't care. It was most likely my mother asking why I wasn't there to take Abby to school. In the mood I was in, I didn’t think I should be around Abby.

  The ringing phone motivated me to get dressed and get the hell out of dodge before my mother showed up. I didn't need one of her parental pep talks. I needed a shot of something strong to help me get through the day.

  I got dressed and drove downtown. My stomach was growling, but I didn't stop by the diner. I couldn't stand the thought of facing Henry and his probing questions. What the hell was I supposed to tell him anyway?

  “Yeah, man, I had another chance, but I fucked up and blew it again.”

  Yep, he'd really like hearing that, wouldn't he? I already knew what he'd say and it was better for both of us if I didn't have to hear it. Instead, I drove past the diner and headed towards the highway. I wasn't sure where I was going. Anywhere had to be better than where I was.

  I ended up stopping for breakfast at a pancake house in the next town over. I didn't much like their food, but my growling stomach wasn't willing to wait any longer. I inhaled my food without tasting it and then sipped my coffee. The waitress tried to make small talk. I tried to let her know I wasn't in the mood.

  “Today's not a good day for small talk, okay?” I said, not looking at her.

  “It just looked like you could use a friendly ear son,” she replied.

  I shook my head. “No, ma'am. Today I think I need something a lot stronger than a friendly ear.” I let out a humorless laugh. “Unless your ear is really a whiskey tap.”

  She narrowed her eyes at me and left without another word. I felt bad for being such a jackass when all I wanted was to be left alone.

  I drove around town until I found a bar open at noon. It was blissfully empty except for me and the bartender. He ignored me after serving me my drink. After a couple of whiskey shots, I began to talk to him.

  “Are you married?” I asked.

  “No.” The elderly bartender shook his head. “I've been divorced twice over.”

  “Then you might know how I’m feeling today,” I said.

  He chuckled. “I know that very few things besides a woman can drive a man to a bar this early in the afternoon.”

  “You don't know the half of it, man,” I replied, shaking my head. “I lost the same beautiful woman. Not once, but twice.”

  “Was it someone else or did you fuck up?”

  I frowned. “What kind of question is that?”

  “A good one. My first divorce was my fault. I thought my first wife was really pretty. So was her sister. The second divorce was caused by someone else. After awhile I guessed my second wife thought the neighbor’s college-aged son was a lot prettier than me.” He laughed.

  “I want to say it was my fault the first time, but this time I'm not sure,” I admitted.

  “At first it can be hard to tell whose fault it is. Come back in a year and I'll ask you again. By then, you should have the answer.”

  I drank until other patrons began to fill the bar. By two o'clock the bar was packed with happy couples and businessmen dropping by to catch the scores. I watched them with contempt until I finally decided I had to leave. It didn't cross my mind that I was too drunk to drive. The bartender stopped me at the door, blocking my exit.

  “I’m calling you a taxi, son,” he said.

  “I live in the next town over,” I slurred.

  “Then go to a motel in town here and sleep the whiskey off before you drive home,” he insisted. “Turning yourself into roadkill ain't going to make her come back, buddy.”

  I was too tired and drunk to argue. “Fine. Whatever. Just call the damn taxi.”

  My temples were pounding and I wanted a smoke. I waited outside and took long hard drags off my cigarettes until I felt like I was going to throw up. The cigarette dropped from my hand and I ran behind the building to wretch. I’d barely regained my wits by the time the taxi showed up. The driver didn't comment on my condition and I was thankful, because if he had I might have slugged him just because.

  The drive to the motel seemed to take forever, but my fare was only six dollars, cluing me in that it hadn't taken as long as I thought. I paid the lady at the front desk and she gave me a key.

  It's my habit to check motel beds for anything disgusting before crawling into them, but I was too drunk to care. I kicked off my boots and pulled my shirt off before collapsing in bed. Sleep refused to come even though I was exhausted.

  For what seemed like hours, I stayed awake, staring at the stained ceiling. My mind wandered, trying to grab onto anything that wouldn't remind me of Jetta. It settled on wondering how a ceiling got a large yellow stain then I decided that it was most likely better that I didn't know. Eventually, sleep overtook me, but offered no release from the thoughts of Jetta.

  My dreams were filled with images of her beautiful body moving over my cock again and again. A coy smile played at her lips and her soft fingers twisted my nipples. I woke up hard as hell and feeling like I hadn't slept at all.

  Through the fog of my hangover, I managed to stumble into the bathroom and strip my clothes off. I waited until the bathroom was steamed up before stepping into the shower. The warm water felt good against my muscles and helped to fight back my hangover. My temples still throbbed, but at least I didn't feel like I was going to throw up again.

  I drove back to town and called my mother. I told her that I needed some time to get my head on straight.

  “You have a child, Chase,” she scolded me. “That means you can't call in sick or take personal days!”

  “Mom, I really don't think I should be around Abby right now,” I tried to explain.

  “What if you didn’t have me to take care of Abby? What would you do then? You have responsibilities now, Chase. You can’t just drop out of life because you’re upset or have had a bad day. This is over that colored woman again, isn't it?” she demanded. “Everyone's talking about how you two left Musco's funeral together. My neighbor told me her mama said you must have pissed her off royally because she jumped town in the middle of the night without a word to anyone. Leave that girl in the past! You have a little girl to worry about now. Do you know that she cried yesterday when you didn't show up to take her to school? Then she cried again when you didn't pick her up!”

  “I'll talk to you later, Mom,” I said, giving up on getting any sympathy from my mother.

  “You’d better grow a pair and pick your daughter up today! You hear me?” she yelled before slamming down the phone.

  She was mad, but I already knew picking up Abby wasn't in my plans. I was in the convenient store parking lot and planned to buy a case of beer after I gassed up my truck.

  The next three days passed in a blur. My phone rang off the hook and my mother came by twice. I refused to respond to any of her attempts to contact me. Abby was better off without me, because what use was a drunk father?

  After the first day, I lost track of how many beers I drank. I would just drink until the pain stopped and then wait for it to come back. It was the only way I could get through the day. On the last afternoon of my drinking binge, Henry came banging on my door. I tried to ignore him. He wouldn't hear of it.

  “Damn it to hell, Chase,” he shouted. “I know your dumb ass is in there! If you don't open up this damn door I'm going to knock it down!”

  “You couldn't knock over a wet paper bag, old man!” I shouted back at him. “Just leave me the hell alone!”

  “Chase, I swear it! I'll knock down the door,” Henry shouted again.

  “You'll just hurt yourself, you old fool!” I yelled back.

  “That will be on your conscious,” he replied. “I've been hurt before. What do you think my Tammy would say about you right now? After all the time
s she helped you with your little girl, and I won't mention all the times we covered for you and Jetta when you were kids!”

  “Fine, old man.” I let out a long sigh. “I'll let you in if you'll shut up!”

  I kicked aside the beer cans that were scattered across the floor and let him in. I knew he wasn't going to shut up, but he had struck a cord by bringing up his dead wife. I was always very fond of Tammy and she’d been good to me.

  “Good God, man!” he said, looking around the living room, “I knew you were bad off, but I didn't think it was this bad!”

  “What do you want, Henry?” I asked and sat back down.

  “I'm here to tell you to pull your head out of your ass!” he said. “You shouldn't be here drinking, man! You should be out there finding your girl!”

  “Jetta doesn't want to be found!” I took another long sip of my beer.

  “How do you know that?” he demanded. “Maybe she's just as scared as you are!”

  “I'm not afraid of anything.”

  Henry snatched the beer from my hand and stalked off into the kitchen. My fists balled at my sides as I heard him pouring it down the drain. I followed him in the kitchen intending to tell him off, but the look on his face stopped me in my tracks. I had never seen him look so angry.

  “It's not shameful to be afraid,” he shouted, “but it is shameful to let it run your life! You're not a coward, Chase! You've raised your little girl up just fine, even though her crazy mama ran off. You've told your old man to stick his opinion up his ass even if it meant giving up a good job and inheritance. That’s not enough though. If you love Jetta, then go to her! Talk to her. Tell her what's on your mind and in your heart. She's scared too. Jetta's afraid you're going to rip her heart out again. So she left before that could happen. Quit feeling sorry for yourself and go after her before it’s too late!”

  I sat down at the kitchen table. “I don't even know where she went.”

  “I do,” Henry said, joining me at the table. “When I didn't see you at the cafe, I walked by your house to see if her car was there. Then I checked her mama's driveway. I thought about checking her sisters' houses, but I knew better. Jetta's a leaver. When the girl gets afraid, she runs. I bought an extra breakfast at the diner and went to see her mom. She's in really bad shape and I know how she feels. I was in the same place when I lost my wife.”

  I wanted to tell him to get to the point, but I couldn't bring myself to make such a dick move. Even though my head was killing me the least I could do was hear the old man out.

  “I don't think there's anything I can do for her. Jetta’s mom hates me.”

  “There’s plenty you can do for her. She's going to need help around that house. She's old and Destiny and Keri don't care about her, not really. Not the way they ought to. She's lonely and now she's worried about Jetta.”

  “I don't think she'd let me help if her house was burning down.”

  “You’re wrong. She doesn't hate you,” he said. “She hates what you did to her daughter. No parent wants to see their child bitter and jaded. If it had been one of my girls I would have knocked you upside the head.”

  I laughed despite the serious nature of our conversation.

  “If a guy ever hurts Abby, I'll shoot him.”

  “So you can imagine how she feels. I offered to get in touch with Jetta if she gave me the information. She agreed and gave me her phone number and address. I'm not going to give you her number. This isn't some conversation you can half-ass over the phone. No, tomorrow morning, you're going to get in your truck and make the drive. No excuses.”

  “I don't think this is a good idea,” I replied, shaking my head.

  “Then you ain't thinking straight,” Henry said. “Get yourself cleaned up and go to bed. I'll leave her address before I leave.”

  “Going to watch the game tonight on my television?” I asked.

  He nodded. “Damn straight. Right after I clean up the Mount Everest you made from these beer cans.”

  “Good night, Henry,” I said. “And thank you. I mean it.”

  I was glad for an excuse to end the conversation and go to bed. I still wasn’t sure if I should leave out the next morning to find Jetta. Something told me Henry would spend the night on my couch to make sure I did.

  My heart raced with the thought of seeing Jetta again. At this point, was there anything I could say to make things right?

  Chapter 15: Jetta

  My landlord hadn't rented my place to anyone else yet, so he let me move back in. Thankfully, he didn’t make me put up another deposit. As soon as I was inside, I opened my laptop and got to work. I organized orders and looked over my finances. About three, I headed to the post office to pick up some boxes.

  “I thought you weren't coming back,” the mail clerk said as I paid for my boxes.

  I gave him a bittersweet smile and shrugged. “I didn't either. Things didn't work out back home.”

  “Sorry to hear that. We're glad to have you back.”

  “Believe me, I'm glad to be back. The country just isn't for me.”

  I hadn't unpacked my house phone yet and saw that my mother had called my cellphone three times that evening. My phone rang until it vibrated itself off the counter and landed on the floor with a thud. I didn't bother to pick it up until I was ready to order dinner and even then I didn’t check my messages.

  That night I slept on the floor, staring at the wall until I finally gave up and went back to preparing orders to be shipping out. I couldn’t believe it was after midnight and my crazy mother was still calling me. Around one o'clock, I finally gave up and answered the damn phone.

  “What is it?” I snapped.

  “Where are you, Jetta? I’ve been trying to reach you for hours.”

  “I'm back at my home, Mama. Where I belong.”

  “Oh, Jetta,” she said, her voice catching on a sob.

  “Is something wrong? It’s the middle of the night, Mama. You should be in bed.”

  I was annoyed that she wouldn’t just leave me alone. After all, I left because I didn't want anything to do with the town I had left behind. God! Nobody wanted me there, but nobody wanted me to live my own life apart from there either.

  “I just wanted to make sure that you were okay,” she replied.

  “I’m fine. I’ll call you tomorrow. Okay?”

  I hung up the phone and turned it off. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I lay on the floor wondering what I was going to do? I’d spent years building a life for myself that I thought had offered fulfillment and now I was confused.

  I toyed with the thought of calling Chase just to hear his voice one last time, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I feared if I talked to him he would be able to convince me to move back home.

  Chapter 16: Chase

  The next morning I paced back and forth in the driveway for an hour before I was able to work up the balls to make the drive to the city. Even after that I found myself procrastinating by stopping at the diner. I didn't go in for breakfast, because Destiny's car was in the parking lot. So I sat there smoking cigarettes until I could no longer make excuses for sitting there.

  I cranked up the radio and pulled onto the highway. The drive was taking forever and I was having trouble keeping my mind on the road. It kept wandering to what was going to happen when I got there. I knew my showing up out of the blue without calling first wasn't going to go over well with Jetta. I had only decided to do it because I knew I wouldn't be able to resume my life until I tried.

  I was in the middle of rehearsing what I was going to tell her when another vehicle came out of nowhere and crashed into the driver’s side of my truck. The sound of metal filled my ears and it felt as if my left arm was on fire. I tried to hit the brake pedal, but in the confusion my foot stomped the gas pedal instead. The truck sped forward against my will until it crashed into the guard rail. I felt the back wheels lift and for a moment I feared the truck was going to flip. The last thing I remember before it all went b
lack was the truck landing with a heavy thud.

  Chapter 17: Jetta

  When I was finally brave enough to turn my phone back on, I had more than two dozen voice mails. I tried to clear them, but my carrier wouldn’t let me until I listened to them first. It insures that I don't miss an important business message, but it also made sure I had to listen to more than thirty minutes of my mother sobbing and then my sisters telling me they couldn't believe what I was doing to our mother. I nearly gave up on the messages, but then the automated voice rattled off a number I didn't recognize.

  “Oh God! I bet that's about a late order.” I exhaled and waited for the message to play.

  “Jetta. It’s Henry.” His voice hesitated for a split second. “I've got some bad news for you, sweetheart,” he continued before pausing.

  My heart pounded in my chest as the second of silence echoed around my skull. If Henry was calling with bad news it had to be about Chase!

  “Chase was in a car accident this afternoon. The doctor says he doesn't know if he's going to wake up.”

  My heart felt as if it had dropped into my stomach and I couldn't breathe.

  “No!” I gasped and gripped the phone tighter.

  “Jetta, honey, he was on his way to talk to you. I know his mother won't like it, but I think you should come see him. I know he can hear us, even though he’s not responding. Come home, Jetta. It may be your only chance to see him. Call me back when you get this.”

  I fell to my knees.

  “No!” I shouted. “First Daddy and now Chase! Why am I losing everybody? I can't live like this! I won't survive it!”

  As I sobbed on the floor, I could hear Bosco whining at the door to be let in. I didn't have the strength to get up off the floor. Was Chase still alive? The message was from last night! Was it already too late?

  I hit the return call button and waited for the phone to ring. It rang three times before turning over to Henry's answering machine. I tried to leave a message, but couldn't manage more than a few sobs.